When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
What you call dog with no legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?