Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.